Saturday, October 29, 2011

Driving like an idiot

Last week, someone found my blog using the search term "TatteredEdges Rage" (First 4 entries in google, thank-you very much!) This blog is dedicated to you, whoever you are.

I got road raged today. I was paralel parked and about to leave. I put the indicator on and turned my steering wheel preparing to go, once the oncoming traffic provided a sufficient enough break in the flow to pull out. Enter Bogan Billy Bob, in his rusted out ute complete with bullbar, roof mounted spotlights and a Yosemite Sam gun totin' bumper sticker.

Somehow I suspect my desire to pull out is not his biggest problem.

He swings his wannabe monster truck out into the other lane, narrowly missing an oncoming car, all while staring at me, yelling something I couldn't hear but can only guess was colourfully littered with F and B words and making obscene gestures. Now bear in mind that I haven't actually moved, much less pulled out in front of him. I laughed and then realised this would probably just piss him off more so I tried to pull a straight face.

After slowing down to get a couple more hand gestures in, he planted his foot and sped off around the corner through an amber light in which pedestrians had started to cross. Clearly, it's my driving that's the problem here.

I'm not above a bit of road rage. I've been known to rant and rave within the confines of my own car. I've never tried to intimidate or physically attack someone (I'm not a nutcase). I'd even go so far as to say that ranting out loud in the aftermath of a near-miss with a fuckwit could be a good way to release pent up frustration.

So just in case you happen to be driving in my neighbourhood, here are some things you should reconsider because they really annoy the crap out of me. 

1. Slowing down to a crawl and swerving into the gutter/bike lane to go over a speed bumps. Why do people do this? The speed bump is just as high at the edge. Slowing down to a snails pace isn't going to make the bump any less bumpy. Just drive straight, stay in your lane and do 20. Your car can handle it, trust me.

2. Swinging out into the other lane before making a 90 degree turn. This is dangerous and unnecessary. Your car, even if it's a complete shit heap, can make that left hand turn without pulling into the right lane first so knock it off.

3. Not using your indicators. Seriously, am I supposed to intuitively know where you're going or why you've suddenly slowed down? Indicators aren't there for decoration and they're not optional. It's not like turning them on is a vigorous workout, you can activate the magic flashing light with just the flick of a finger. Combine this with number two and my head almost explodes!

4. Driving up my arse because you want me to go faster. Newsflash, that just makes me slow down and flashing your lights at me I interpret as "Thanks for slowing down and being awesome". If the speed limit is 50, I'm going to do 50 not 90. Remember the 'wipe off 5' and 'arrive alive' TAC campaigns? well they totally worked on me. At the very least, you should thank me for saving you demerit points.

What turns you into a raving lunatic on the roads?

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  1. Fantastic post - well said :)
    I get mad at my own husband. He thinks he's an amazing driver but really he's that impatient guy who gets crazy about doing even 1km under the speed limit - even if he's stupidly early to get somewhere. I mean, CHILL!!! He doesn't road rage anyone but I see steam coming out of his ears.
    He is also lazy with indicators...
    Yes, I married one of THOSE. I'm trying my hardest to fix this. Sigh.

  2. I have numerous pet peeves, but the one that infuriates me most is when someone thinks that the space I've left between the car ahead of me was so they could swing into it. I left that space for my own safety so I have time to react to what that car may abruptly do. I have no time to react to you, three inches ahead of me! >:(

  3. @Kez Funny how everyone thinks they're an amazing driver. In Bogan Billy Bob's version of events, he's the good driver and I'm the lunatic. Wow, that's a scary thought.

    @Travis YES! I'm with you on that. Especially on the freeway where the stakes are so much higher.

  4. My all time favourite is when they slam their brakes on almost missing the corner at which they want to make a turn then indicating as they turn into the street.
    Not long ago I had a guy cut me off (yes cut me off) then follow me almost the whole way home at which I cottoned on and parked down the road! He waved as he went passed...

  5. Fuckin hilarious. I too drive within the speed limit but only cause I'VE ONLY GOT 3 POINTS LEFT.