Last night I dreamt that chocolate was outlawed because scientists discovered that it has the same chemical effect on the brain as cocaine and in large quantities posed just as dangerous health risks as other drugs, such as obesity which then leads to heart problems, diabetes and death.
Of course I was horrified, and in no time at all I quickly sourced some underground supply of the delectible substance.
I spent the entire night holed up in seedy, dimly lit, Cocoa dens trying to get a fix. At one point I ran out of money and the dealer just wouldn't extend me anymore credit. I started to get agitated and began alternating between swearing at him and pleading with him.
It didn't take long before a guy that was 8 foot tall and 3 foot wide approached me and said in very James Earl Jones like voice "I think you've had enough" I made one last futile dash for the 80% cocoa stash on a nearby table and was promptly scooped up and thrown out the door. "Don't come around here no more ya bum" He shouted as I crawled out of the gutter.
It was then that I was approached by a rather unsavoury character in a long trench coat. He helped me to my feet and began telling me that he knew where we could get the good stuff. I went with him willingly to another of these Cocoa dens.
The air was thick with chocolate and the room was slightly to warm. It felt like I was breathing pure chocolate. I began to relax. The lights were low and soft music played gently in the background while semi-sleepy people rested about on worn red velvet couches. In the corner of the room was a giant chocolate fountain and littered around the bottom were an array of small children lazily dipping spoons and lollypops into it.
I was told that I could have unlimited access to this chocolate utopian world and all I had to do was sign away the rights to my bank accounts, house and dog. Hypnotised by the dark chocolate crème centres I could see in front of me I scrawled a rough signature on the piece of paper muttering something like, "Sure Bill, whatever you need, man" and took a seat in front of a pile. I began to eat as much as I could. nom nom nom...
I woke up from this dream feeling full, bloated and nauseas. My stomach is sore and crampy. It doesn't seem fair that I should suffer all the ill effects of gorging myself senseless on chocolate when I haven't actually had the pleasure of said chocolate. Where are the Crohn's police. I want to lodge a complaint.